Riding in My Car with Jesus

You ever have those moments when you're driving in the car and you have moments of inspiration of lyrics or words or thoughts. I have several times. Because of this I keep an old 4x6 daily calendar in my glovebox with a pen to write them down. On many occasions I have been hit with things, poems I've written to my wife among other odd thoughts. Now, I don't always write them down with all the traffic, but I have quite often pulled off to the side of the road and jotted them down. The following is a collection over a 3-4 month period. Tell me what you think. Should I keep on writing this stuff down or toss it out the window?


All across this land
Like the grains of sand
He watches over us
He holds us in his hand
He’ll give you life and victory
If only you’ll believe you will see
Crucified and justified
The way he died is etched in my mind
Wherever you want me to go, I don’t know but I’ll follow
Wherever you want me to go, I don’t care but I’ll follow
To the depths of space and the deepest snow, I’ll follow
To the ends of earth and the valley below, I’ll follow
And I will see where you take me; Forever
And I don’t know what you want from me; Whatever
But I will take it and run with it
Cause I am branded a Christian Man
For you
For him
The spirit within
And I keep on lovin’ you
From the first and to the last
In supplication and in fast
You changed me, you changed us
Changed the world just because
Of… Your… Love
Take me, Hold me, Make me
Whatever you want me to be
Break me, Mold me, Wake me
Whatever you need me to be
Know Me, Grow Me, Show Me
Wherever I am you’ll be
It is because of you
It is because of your love
I want to see some more
Forever and ever, your love
You came into my life
Took me in spite of my worst
Only to get the rest of me
That I can’t understand
But I listen to your word
And I give you the best of me

Stitch by Stitch

Let us grow in the grace of your magnificence
And the knowledge of your omnipotence,
Our Savior and Lord.

At all times you can stop us,
but You allow us to make our own choices.

You or this world, this flesh or Your Word.
What will it be? To be torn

The accuser is there to tempt and to dare,
Draw out our old selves, with pleasure to spare.
God gives us His will, His strength to deny,
Nailed to the cross, in His Son we abide.

Not deserving this gift, but His love is so pure,
An unfathomable sacrifice, He had to endure.
Rejection and scorn, or salvation and truth,
The flesh or the throne, it's ours to choose.

Walking blind in the mud, a deep void in our hearts
Striving for more, not enough from the start
A false self we construct, wrong desires at the core,
Behind a two-way mirror, our true selves blocked by a door

Separation and loneliness, the serpent’s greatest tools
With razor sharp tongues, we lie and scorn like fools
Heavy burdens are lifted, if only we discern
With vigor and grace, we did not earn

Our chance is not gone, if ourselves we let go
Hand over our hearts, and the truth we will know
Caught up in His glory, let it shine through our eyes
Recognizing we can reflect, God’s image with our lives

Spring Forth

Sky so blue with a cool gentle breeze
white clouds drifting by lazy and free
Grass so green with that fresh cut smell
floating from blade to blade spring has a story to tell
Sun is blinding, the warmth envelopes like a mothers embrace
A lone butterfly glides in the wind, with a purposed filled existence
looking carefree and in love, hibernation and molting done
the possibilities of a fresh start, new lives begun

and suburbia performs her opening act;

pool covers drained from that April rain,
water is added, the deck is re-stained
trimming the shrubs, the mulch is spread
the lawnmower is cleaned, the weed-eater its dead
a new coat of paint on the outside shutters
please don’t fall as you empty the gutters
Honey do you have time to clean the garage, wash the car,
empty the trash, till the back yard,
mow the lawn, spray the driveway,
go to goodwill and to the dump on the way
When temperatures approach seventy degrees,
what can be done is amazing to see,
convertibles down on the brand new car,
while hubby only whishes to shoot par
doors are opened, as are the windows,
everything going like a choreographed show
the smiles on their faces, as they go different places
pushing baby around looking for good parking spaces
The hope for the year and what is yet to come
gets them up in the dawn, till the late setting sun
When you stop, look around, and take the time to reflect
the wonder of Gods world and what is to come next
gives peace, purpose and joy and hunger for more
if God gives us this here, oh what beauty is in store.

April 17th, 2005

This is a day I will not forget in a long time. It was a day of family, friends, faith, fun, food and fellowship. And a few surprises to boot. I can't explain how I felt that day. I woke up early, about 6:30 am ready to go and a little nervous about being dropped or falling when I got baptized. I am also a little nervous for some other reasons, which I will make clear in a bit. First, I just want to give God the glory, thanks and praise! He answered alot of prayers this weekend. He proved to me that if you are willing to step out in faith and be obedient, he will reward you. And he showed me, hands down, he is the best rewarder!

About 6 pm Saturday night, Sherry and I are lounging watching TV, when the phone rings. It's my sister, Robin, who lives in Indianapolis. She asks what we're doing and if we've eaten. I will admit, Sherry and I are like old folk, who usually eat by 5 when she's off work and are in bed by 9 pm. But this day we hadn't eaten. Robin happens to be 20 minutes away from Vincennes, and wants to know if we want to pick up some pizza and meet her and Regon(our nearly 6 yr old niece) for dinner at Nanaws(our grandmother). Uhh, Yeah! She decided to come down for my Baptism at the last minute. It was even a surprise for Nanaw. Robin asks if she can stay for the Lunch tomorrow we're having at Western Ribye after the baptism. This is answered prayer number one. Why? Because my mother is supposed to be there and they haven't seen each other for over a year.

I'll skip forward to after the Baptism and Sunday School, to the lunch. Well, it turns out Sherry was being verry, verry sneaky! Along with, Nanaw, Mom and Jim, our couples small group were there. Surprise! I can't tell you how blessed I felt to be surrounded by my family and church family. The love was overflowing, and so was the laughter.

In all, it was just a glorious and grand day. Sunny and 70's in the Spring time with the newness of creation all around and the beginning of new things in our life. The Baptism itself was great. I didn't fall and didn't get dropped, I just got a little water up the snozzle. I was on cloud nine, never happier and feeling complete. I had stepped out in obedience and God rewareded me with love, family reunion and tens of people stopping to congraluate me and tell me how they were moved and effected. But I am only as good as God lets me be and I am only as effective as he allows me to be, and only if I allow him to be apart of my life can He move the people around me. The day wasn't about me, it was about finally stepping up to bat and declaring my love and identification with Christ. And He hit a homerun.

There were so many people I love and respect in the church who showered their praise and love. Those from the Men's ministry, Clay Akers, Todd Bacon and his wife, Jeff Barnett, Jason Burton and Jeff Hudson. From the Jamaica trip Mike Labitzke and Ray Mabe and His wife. The Davis', Mulzers and Peningers from our couples small group. From my family, Mom and Jim, Robin and Regon and Nanaw. I want to thank all of you, and those of you who I didn't know, or if I forgot you. I also am very thankful to my family and friends who could not be their. God Bless everyone!

You may be wondering what about Sherry. Don't worry I could never forget my sould mate. The reason I am the man I am today. God brought her into my life, she is what makes me whole. It was God working through her that got me back into church. Her faithfulness, her dedication to going to church and reading the Bible, allowed God to work in my heart and in me. Words can't thank her enough, only actions suffice and begin to be worthy of showing her the thanks and love I have for her. I know she would probably be a little, uhm how can I say this, not so comfortable about what I am writing but, oh well.

Oh yeah for the other answered prayer, don't worry this one I couldn't forget. I know you'll guess it before I finish telling the story, so I'll tell you first and then relay the happenings. Sherry is 5 weeks pregnant@! Yes, to our wonderful surprise! Here's how things happened. Sherry was a little late for the month once again and wasn't going to get a Pregnancy test. She was tired of being disappointed. Well, I had never been there when she took one, so I asked her to get one so I could be disappointed with her. She wanted to wait until Saturday morning to take the test. Friday night she comes home and says she wants to go ahead and take the test. I can tell somethings up, becuase she is very animated and moving quickly. I mean this is the first thing she says to me. I was like "I thought you wanted to wait until tomorrow" she says "Whats the difference, lets go ahead and do it"

As we are watching for the results, I am trying to figure it out, cause it looks like it may be positive to me. I'm not saying much cause I don't want to be wrong and get her hopes up. And she says kind of nonchalantly with a smile on her face, I'm pregnant. She grabs my hand and says come here. She gives me a card which says "You're having a baby, looks like congratulations are due!" I'm in a fog as I read, but not really comprehending. When I open the card, there is the first picture of our baby, an ultrasound! Sherry had known since 4 that afternoon. How did that happen? Well, they have a new machine and asked for volunteers so they can get some practice. Sherry says alright. They were just going to check her ovaries. When they put the device on her stomach, almost immediately, Sherry and the tech stopped. "Oh! Are you late?", "Yes, but thats normal" "I don't want to tell you something wrong, let me go get someone else" She does, and yes she is pregnant. Sherry could see the sac and the fluttering of the developing heart. Praise God! We celebrated by going out to eat at Pizza Chef and then stayed up late going through this book we had on pregnancy.

So God had a surprise for us and we had a surprise for everyone else. The weekend could not have been more perfect, unless my dad was there. I got to tell my mom, grandmother, mother and stepfather all at the same time. Sherry was hesitant about telling everyone, she wanted to wait longer. Not me, I have no doubt this baby is in answer to our prayers and our willingness to step out in faith by looking into going to Jamaica. I know if God wants us to have this baby it is better to have people praying for us throughout the whole pregnancy. Yes it is early, but if it happened once, if God so desires, it will happen again. After over 5 years of trying, without any help from a doctor, God gave us this baby. April 15th and April 17th, 2005 will go down as 2 of my most memorable and perfect day s of my life along with August 21th, 1999(Anniversary) and December 15th or 16th of 2005(thats when baby is due) And No we are not going to find out what the sex is, we want to be surprised. And No Jamaica is not out of the question. Just because God has blessed us with a child doesn't mean we should say no to serving him and keep him out of the picture. We will continue to pray and pursue God's will and plan. So far he's done right by us and we'll continue to follow him, in the dark and down days and the bright and joyful days.

Indiana's Sex Offender Website

With the rash of child abductions, there has been a push for families to know where sex offenders live. On several news programs it was reported that a simple way to find the sex registry in your state is to do a search on google.com or yahoo.com. When you do the search just type in your state followed by the words "sex offender" The first or second search result should be your states site.

I performed the search and found http://www.indianasheriffs.org/default.asp as the site for Indiana. When I preformed a seach only putting in Newburgh, I was a little surprised to find 20 sex offenders here. So, for all of you with children, DO THIS ! It pays to know, ignorance is not bliss in this instance. This does not take the place of parental supervision, but it will allow you to know if you should be concerned with your neighbors. Does this mean you go off and confront or ostracize, NO. Just knowing will allow you to make the decision on what limits you place on your childs play area and who they should or shouldn't hang around. Be proactive and bookmark your states website to check periodically. Sex offenders live a transient(move a lot) lifestyle.

Is Jamaica in the Future?

For those of you who do not know, Sherry and I are seriously considering a position with International Orphanage Relief. The position would be a minimum 2 year commitment as missionaries to orphanages in Jamaca. There is still a long way to go and would not be until next year, but it is about 50-50. I wanted everyone to be aware and feel free to email or call if you want to chat about it.

I wish you'd read this blog plus the previous three

This Blog, "He wants to redeem you...", "Getting Baptized" and "Little Gems" are all from the same night. They kind of go together. I know it may take a little while, but it would probably be best to start with Little Gems and read up. Thanks to anyone who is reading my page. I welcome any and all comments.

I had some more thoughts after I stopped writing, and since it was 2 in the morning, I asked God if he’d give me a break and let me remember some of the gems. And he blessed me. Now I am not saying any of this is great or anything like that. I just felt a clarity and knew I needed to write. Before I sat down the other night I opened our back sliding glass door to check the temp. When I did it was raining, I was kind of stunned, because I hadn’t heard it and it was coming down pretty hard.

As I stood there in the cool damp air under the roof, I listened to the plunks on the gutter, the gushing of water onto the grass and stared up between the clouds to see a few bright stars barely peeking down on me. It was perfect. It also made me think that even while we are sleeping God is at work. In the dark of the night, He was renewing the plants. Giving them the living water they so desperately need. Kind of like us, if we don’t get the living water, Jesus, we end up blowing through life aimlessly like a dead and dried up leaf. A leaf that is hard and stiff and at the lightest little pressure we crack back to the dust we came from without hope.

But that’s not God’s plan, so even in the dark of night, He renews us. How? By getting us wet, muddy and cold. Yeah, sometimes you’ve got to go through the dirt in your life to feel closer to God, so He can renew your mind and your soul. He’ll make you see the need for Him and so He has the opportunity to hold you and hear you cry out in desperation, in need. Yes you do need him, now get down on your knees and cry, and get a little dirty and wet, it’s OK. He’ll understand. All He wants is you, dirt and all. Just you

He wants to redeem you....

If you look in the Bible, one of the big themes is redemption and binding up the brokenhearted, the weak and us sinners. God reiterated this to me today when I was reading in 2 Samuel 14. This is after King David had banished his son, Absalom, for killing his brother. 14:14 "All of us must die eventually. Our lives are like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. That is why God tries to bring us back when we have been separated from him. He does not sweep away the lives of those he cares about-and neither should you!" It is written all throughout scripture, the prodigal son, Moses and the Israelites, Jonah, Job, Mary Magdalene, Peter, even Paul and more. One thing we can count on, is if we believe in Christ, He believes in us and we will meet Him in heaven.

Does this mean life will be without struggles? Quite the contrary. Jesus says himself that we are to "take up our cross" and that if they persecuted Him the son of man, how much more will they persecute his followers? And as I see it, we really don't have it so bad. Yes, there are tragedies and young children dying before WE think they should go, but who is really at a loss? We are, not God and not the one who was called home to Christ. If they believed, they are free and we are left to decide our fate. God's timing is always perfect, ours is flawed.

It was our sin that brought on the death and the suffering. Our selfishness and pride that killed the first animal and human. And it’s our selfishness today, which keeps others from reaching their full potential, because we were to busy to listen, too stingy to give, too cold to care and too lazy to love others as we love ourselves. And I am as guilty as anyone. I can count on one hand how many, homeless, orphan, widow, cold or hungry I have helped. Because, I too, have sinned and fallen short of the glory that God meant for us, I too am too busy to stop and listen for God. But the hope we all have is in Christ and his ultimate redemption. He conquered sin and death and gave us the ability to do the same. So will you? All you have to do is to pray "God, I know I have sinned, I confess them to you, please forgive me, I am a sinner. And I want to change, to turn away from that life and towards you. And I believe that Jesus Christ was born, that he lived a sinless life, that he was put to death on a cross for my sins, and that he defeated death and Satan by rising Three days later and came back to life! And he has given me new life. Thank you Jesus, I believe, Thank you for dying for me! Thank you for what you have done for me. I want to have a relationship with you and know you, Amen!"

If you prayed that prayer, I would love for you to email me and let me know. I would love to encourage you, tell you about some books you should read and to be praying for you. Because don't think life will get easier, it won't. Why?, because now you will start to care when you do the wrong thing, like lie, curse or worse. And other people will make fun of you, you will become estranged from some friends. Some relationships will grow weaker , while others will grow stronger. You will lose some friends and you will gain deeper ones. But most of all you will have a new joy, peace and purpose to life. And yes, you will gain the best gift of all, a new father. The Heavenly Father, Our Lord and Savior, God. And thank you for reading this, thank you God for giving me the hope, the ability and the words. Praise be to God and Halleluiah!

Getting Baptized

So, on April 17th, I am getting baptized. You may ask why is a 31 year old Christian, who was Confirmed at birth and saved at age 7, is getting baptized. Because it is the least I can do for a God of redemption. I may have accepted Christ into my heart at age seven, but the next 20 years I was looking to be accepted by everyone else. Trying to fit in, do what was cool and be liked. Living the American way of life, money, cars, women and bars! I became a chameleon, changing my behavior, the way I dressed, talked to suit whoever was the target audience. I did whatever I could to please everyone else, but who mattered most. And I lived a double life, believing in God but not believing in myself. Never doubting Christ but doubting myself. Doing everything I could to be accepted, when I already was. I was not ready to live the way God wanted me to. I was having too much fun! The world’s way was so much easier, no real accountability, if it feels good do it. Sinning and making the wrong choices and paying the consequences. And what did it get me. Thousands of dollars in debt, many broken relationships, heartaches and addictions I would bring into my marriage. Nothing but what I had brought on myself.

And I thank God, for a family who prayed for me and a forgiving and redeeming God. How do I know He is Good, because there were several times I could have been killed or have died and I was spared. It was because of their prayers and God's acceptance of Me, Gods believing in Me, God never doubted my heart, even when I did. And he took me to the edge, hung me over and jumped off with me in his arms. He woke me up and I was still in his arms. I learned how to depend on God, on Christ's love and give up trying to be in control and planning my life. I mean why do I need to be a writer when I already know a pretty good author. One thing I have learned, when you don't know or aren't sure, go to an expert or someone who knows. And for me that was Christ.

But why now? Well for the past three years God has been working on my pride. At first, I didn't feel good enough and felt I didn't do enough of the right things and that I had done too many bad ones. He got me there, because the more I read the Bible, I learned it's not about what YOU have done or haven't done. I could never do enough. It was what Christ had done for me already, 2,000 years ago. I mean, really, when he died for my sins, was he covering the sins I had already committed then or was he paying for sins I had yet to commit? I realized that was Grace, and it didn't matter what I had done in my past, because he had already taken care of that in His past. He was concerned with my future and that is determined by me, by what I believe and that’s it! It was my choice, yes or no, true or false. No maybes or sometime later. Right Now! If I believe, I Am saved. Period. Forever. For Eternity! And because I do believe, I am commanded to obey His commands out of commitment, love and identification with Christ.

With that out of the way, the next hurdle to getting baptized was being nervous about being in front of a crowd with everyone looking at me. And that was definitely pride. I was very self-conscious of my weight and what people thought about me. But God overcame that one in steps. He first led me to the realization that it does not matter what anyone else thinks about me, only what Christ thinks about me. With him on my side, I did not have to be concerned about anything else. I only have at most 120 years on this earth anyways and the rest of eternity in heaven, and that’s more than a google. So, I think that was easy. God said "John, get over yourself, it's not about you, anyways." Oh yeah, He's right, it's the least I could do for saving me, for redeeming this broken and imperfect body. That is why I am getting baptized next week, not to be saved or for my sins to be forgiven, but because I am a believer and follower of Christ, and I am going to act like it and publicly display my belief.

Little Gems

Here it is 11:30 at night on a Thursday and I should be in bed. We are driving to St. Louis tomorrow morning leaving around 8 or 9 in the morning. But I had to get up, to answer the call, at least that’s what I am hoping this is. Otherwise it’s the two glasses of tea talking. Have you ever had one of those nights, where you just lay there, fully awake but fully at rest and at peace? Thoughts going through your mind with ideas and answers that are highly intelligent and fully complete in their construct. Wondering where are you during the day? Or, How the heck did I get so smart? And then you think, maybe I should get up and write this stuff down, this is good. But remember you are so comfortable and peaceful and think to yourself, "This stuff is so good I'll remember it in the morning and write it down then" Or maybe you think, "Man, I have to get up in less than X hours! I can't do that I'll be worn out and wasted. God, let me get to sleep so I will feel good in the morning."

I have and you know what I think, that I just told God I didn't have time for him. That I would rather catch some REM's instead of some gems from God. Kind of amazing to think that, but I believe it. I have to give Him credit for all he has done in my life and that includes my thought life. And since I believe in Christ's birth, death and resurrection, I have the confidence that I received the gift of the Holy Spirit. And when do you think the Holy Spirit speaks to you most. When you're rushing through the day, checking things off your to do list. Well, let's see I have to shower, shave, eat, let the dogs out, unload the dishwasher, put the whites in the washer, do my daily bread, pray for 15 minutes, work on this, pick up that, fix that, call him, go there, eat, drive, get gas, stop by get milk, go by the post office, stop by and say hi to so and so, do some more work on that, finish that project, read that, go home, kiss the wife, eat watch TV answer the phone(all at the same time), put dishes in the dishwasher, clothes in the dryer, watch more TV, check email, lay in bed watching TV, read, Go to Bed.

Hmmm. I wonder when I had time to hear the calling of the Holy Spirit. I look at that list and wonder how I hear God at all, my wife or even my own self think. Looks to me like I'm thinking about one or two steps ahead on the next thing I have to do and that’s all. I sure don't leave much time for anything else, let alone rest and peace. The quiet comes at night, with the light off. Yes, in the dark, in silence. And then I get these thoughts. To use the new much used slogan BRILLIANT! But yes most of them are. Am I bragging, no, because they are not my own. They are inbreathed, divinely inspired, of the Spirit. I take no credit for what I am writing at this moment. Because, tonight, instead of laying there frozen and lazy, fighting it. I am sitting here actively and peaceful, writing it.

I think what I am getting at is there are times in my life when I actively feel His presence. It’s not all the time, but I have felt it. And it gives me peace, because if I can feel His presence that means I am His. Since I am His, than I should not be that far from His heart. Which means I am closer to His will and hearing what He has to say to me. And that is all I desire. To know that I am doing all I can to live a life that glorifies Christ, then I am closer to where I should be. Not perfect, but on track. 'Cause I don’t know about you, but the track I am on most of the time seems like the deep dark rain forest, where I can’t see the sky and there doesn’t seem to be any path. I just keep walking hoping I’m heading north not exactly comfortable with where I am or where I am going. So the next time you feel His presence you can either lay there and soak it in, which feels nice, or you can try communicating with Him one way or another and maybe He’ll give you a glimpse of where you’re heading. More to follow…