Reflections on Belief and my poem A Valley of Promise

I know He loves me, but do I believe in a way that affects how I behave. I have knowledge of His forgiveness for me, but is there belief that translates into my life. The behavior I live shows what I believe even beyond what I know. Because even though my mind may take in the information like a sponge it doesn’t always mean that I will change what I do, what I say, where I go and where I spend my day. I am easily stopped short by what I know, in a way that I let my reserved nature affect how I live my life, even in the light of a need to be different. A chameleon like existence, blending in the background of two worlds, my christian persona seamlessly on display in a way that hides the true struggles and pain. With my worldly ways seeping to the top, not overtly but with subtlety that doesn’t threaten to change my reputation.

The knowledge I have acts like a check valve on my behavior limiting my belief, not allowing the full force of faith to overtake me like a waterfall of life changing sustenance of living water. Therefore leading to a life limited by that knowledge, and not flourishing to a level worthy of the calling I have heard, I have read, I have known, and I have professed to believe. This has not always been and will not always be. My selfishness has risen like a small dose of yeast, slowly working. My belief being suppressed by tiredness, by a yearning to live unencumbered, unshackled. Though not realizing this pursuit has handcuffed me, chaining me to this way, and not escaping the wearied life I so detest. And now as the yeast causes the bread to be ready for the oven, I now recognize this selfishness, and understand the need to be refined by the fire, by the Word of truth, and to repent from my unbelief. My sin of neglect, selfishness and lack of self-control. To confess and be free to fully, truly believe. To believe in a way that soars above my knowledge to the heavens and changes my behavior, and act in a faithful manner. To Believe. To be Faithful. To behave faithfully believing He loves me and forgives me.

A Valley full of Promise(Poem)

Looking from this mountaintop Your glory on display, feeling the warmth from the sun rays. Seeing a sea of trees reach branches to the sky like a thousand arms in worship. Shadows falling from the clouds as they pass over this forrest of believers. Some have fallen, gray and broken, no longer rooted to the ground. With no way to receive the life giving water they need. As the sky darkens and the rain begins to fall like tears from a weeping widow, the ground becomes soaked, slowly turning the hard soil to mud. Puddles forming, then as the torrents continue, a small creek is transformed into a raging river of muck, pine needles and dead trees that rush down the mountain to the valley below. Soon the firm stance begins to slide, unnoticeable at first, then slipping, falling and being swept away to the bottom. Then coming to a rest against a rock. Standing up, covered completely from the trip down, with the remnants of this swift journey clinging to once clean clothes. A reminder of what was. Feeling battered and beat down by the fall, looking up, glimpsing a break in the clouds. The rain continues to fall on a dirty tear stained face. Wiping away a leaf, and peering through the trees, hope gleams. The sun breaks through the storm, spreading open the clouds as they struggle to hang on and pour down the last remaining raindrops. But there it is, the promise that can be seen even in this valley. A brilliant rainbow, full of color and wonder, like a finely skilled artists brush stroke, reminding of that love, that hope, that joy and peace. And even though no longer at the top of the mountain, this promise of forgiveness especially welcome while wading through the muck of this life that was drug to the valley. And looking around the forrest floor, the sun reveals the saplings, new, green and firmly rooted. Ready to grow and fill in the voids and join with the giants in praise and worship to His glory once again!