Armor Up Poem

This is a poem I wrote contemplating Ephesians 6:10-18 and the complexities of living life as a believer of Christ.

Brutal honesty, utter brokenness encompassing the pressure squeezing in from all sides
how must this end, how long will this continue, withering from within
torture not from others but of yourself.
Knowing so much more can be attained
while wallowing and being covered by the lies that are being slung
Believe the false truths whispered in the ear?
Surrender to the feelings of inadequacy and fear?
Thoughts in turn become beliefs if contemplated for too long.
Beliefs become behaviors whether warranted or not
If filled with lies and fairy tales then truth will be forgot
Do not surrender or be conformed to the deceitful ones attacks
Be aware and always prepared and truth will have your back
Arm yourself with a belt of faith girded tight around your waist
So be prepared with all upright and ready to make haste
Protect your heart from all onslaught with the righteousness of Christ
A breastplate of armor to hold fast and fight the force of lies
So firmly fitted with the truth of Christ’s sacrifice… for you
Be ready wearing sturdy shoes, to share the peaceful news
While on this trek be sure to know
 a war rages for all souls
So carry a shield, this shield of faith
extinguishing arrows flying aflame
Do not forget to protect your mind
being bombarded from on all sides
For complete and wholly thought protection
 one must attire with the helmet of salvation
One may ask what is there to do to fight off this foe
There is none but one thing, to always keep in tow
A sword
This sword of the Spirit your best offense to battle in this life
Sharpened with God’s word, The truth of His promises ends all strife
So pray in the Spirit on all occasions making all sorts of requests
With this in mind, alert and praying; you will be prepared for life's quest.

Personal Reflection and prayer on God and to be changed

What is this life truly about? The pursuit of God’s glory. Giving up my supposed rights. Even saying that I have rights is selfish and about me. God created all and without God, there would be no earth to live on. No food to eat, no water to drink, no people to love, or sexualize. There would be no air to breathe. No blood to pump through my heart. No children would be had. If it were not for God we would not be here. What is the Bible truly about, is this a book that was made for me, to use as a self help book? Yes, and no. Yes to help me know my place, and understand I have no rights but to praise God and give Him glory. And also, No, the Bible is all for Him and about Him, to help me understand who God is, and not to make me better than God. I have replaced His thoughts with random clutter and sometimes use the Bible for my gain. All for me, to make it about me and what it does for me. The same with church, it has to be what I like, when I like it, for as long as I want it. What arrogance is that? If God is real, and the Bible is a story about God and how He created us, and Heaven is where we will meet God, then my assumptions about what this life means for me is wrong. I am not here for my family, for my job, for money, for success, even for failure. I am not here to get what I can, to know more than someone else or to do something better. I am not here to have sex, be happy, get fat or healthy. I am not here to take vacations, climb mountains, swim oceans, go to movies and concerts or see the world. I am here because of God, to see His creation, His family, His work, His artistry, His sustenance, His Fame, His fortune, His success, His world, for His glory, to serve Him, to give Him honor. Everything I think and do are because He gave me life and the ability to sustain and reproduce life for a short period of time. But all I do, and all I am needs to point to Him. Whether good or bad, it all points to Him. I can not be arrogant and prideful enough to think that I am more important than He is, heck to think that I am more important than my neighbor, than another race, than another nation of people, another ideology, or even another believer is egocentric. To believe that God should give everything He is to sustain me and my little life, more than the Billions of people and what trillions of plants and animal is ridiculous, selfish, sinful and rude. That my little broken plate, or torn shirt or spilt milk is worth me getting upset? If I am here for Him My perspective needs to change upward, and outward. To share what it truly means to be human, made in the Image of God. Yes to LOVE GOD first and foremost, to understand what that means, and focus on Him. Then once my mind is rightly thinking, then to Love others, not for me, not to show others I am better, to make me feel better or get into heaven, I can not do this for me, at all, ever. When I do, I need to refocus my attention on God. All I do, shall point to you, Oh God, the holy one, worthy of more than all of our thoughts and praise on earth and in heaven combined. You are better, greater, more awesome than all I can ever or will ever think, read, write, say or speak. One Day maybe I will grasp and understand enough to put my thoughts on a path towards the beginning of proper praise. Give me a fear, Give me an understanding. Grant me wisdom, not for me, but for you. Let my life, my abilities, my all be all for you. Utilize my God given existence in any way you already know you will, just allow me to take the right path, in spite of my sinful selfishness. bind up my sin, my pride my ego my wandering heart and eyes. Capture them for your purposes Oh Lord. Let me be Yours Lord, You can never be only mine, Forgive me for any wrongful thoughts and attitudes, expose the hypocrisy and evil within me, please make it clear. Holy Spirit, cleanse my mind and my body for you, to be clean. Please enter this body that is the Lords, Use my hands to do your work whether writing, holding, helping, hugging, working or loving. Use my eyes to see others as you want me to, to see the world and the path as you deem, use my mind to think thoughts of you, and for your Good, your plan and your will. Use my feet, and guide them to those places and people and opportunities you have preordained. Use my mouth to speak the words of life, the words you would honor me to say that bring honor and glory to your name God. And that might point others towards you. May my ears hear and distinguish between right and wrong, to hear when someone is hurting, and needs help, when someone is ready to turn to you, oh God, that my ears would be able to discern lies and slander, and gossip, that they would not be lured by evil. May I be yours, with a willing, heart, mind and soul. For you and only you. You Lord God in heaven creator of the universe and righteous one, may my life be yours, for as long as you see fit. May YOUR love reign in me. All for you, not for me. Amen

The Change

Change is the only thing that stays the same
Each day, awake to slivers of sunlight breaking through the darkness.
Expectation builds as feet hit the ground,
but feeling bound by those things so out of control.
Shoulders slumped, tired eyes, head down, looking at nothing but toes.
Pursuing that endless dream, paper in nature they come each month,
pressuring work and relationships, scared to take time away.
How easily this happened, losing sight of the true things of life.
Placing happiness and faith in things that miss the target,
even people that you love, fighting for the right to exist.

Change happens, years gone by, dreams gained, love lost.
Keep walking that dark-eyed path, with joy that lasts as long as a mayfly.
Pushing more and more, riding with the ferrari that is success
And though the air blows through the hair, and a smile on that face,
behind those eyes, lies a sadness and empty ness.
Then one morning, waking to a sun ray like a bullseye on the bridge of the nose.
A warmth is felt, spreading across the forehead, a decision is made.
Change in the way to start this day.
Sliding legs out of bed, warm feet feel fibers surrounding each toe,
as if the carpet won’t allow that step towards the shower.
Stopping. Turning around and kneeling down.
Head bows, hands laid palm flat on the ground.
Giving up and ready for a new change, the drudgery surrendered,
letting go this weary life, the clock has chimed, a new day has begun.
The old has passed, now witness a freshness of spirit.

Change is the only thing to make this difference,
knowing a freedom from things out of control
Shoulders back, clear eyes, head up looking at everything and more
Pursuing that endless hope, rock in foundation, surer each day,
pressures surrendered, relationships embraced, blanketed by comfort
Happiness and faith procured in the One who hit the mark.
True love hath given purpose and people, to fight for.
Change happened, long ago, promises kept, bound up in love.
Never to end, but waiting for that change that happens only within, each one.
Get off that never ending highway, and change direction to a new home.

What’s wild is this song came one After I finished writing the poem!
Song: The Change by Steven Curtis Chapman

Reflections on Belief and my poem A Valley of Promise

I know He loves me, but do I believe in a way that affects how I behave. I have knowledge of His forgiveness for me, but is there belief that translates into my life. The behavior I live shows what I believe even beyond what I know. Because even though my mind may take in the information like a sponge it doesn’t always mean that I will change what I do, what I say, where I go and where I spend my day. I am easily stopped short by what I know, in a way that I let my reserved nature affect how I live my life, even in the light of a need to be different. A chameleon like existence, blending in the background of two worlds, my christian persona seamlessly on display in a way that hides the true struggles and pain. With my worldly ways seeping to the top, not overtly but with subtlety that doesn’t threaten to change my reputation.

The knowledge I have acts like a check valve on my behavior limiting my belief, not allowing the full force of faith to overtake me like a waterfall of life changing sustenance of living water. Therefore leading to a life limited by that knowledge, and not flourishing to a level worthy of the calling I have heard, I have read, I have known, and I have professed to believe. This has not always been and will not always be. My selfishness has risen like a small dose of yeast, slowly working. My belief being suppressed by tiredness, by a yearning to live unencumbered, unshackled. Though not realizing this pursuit has handcuffed me, chaining me to this way, and not escaping the wearied life I so detest. And now as the yeast causes the bread to be ready for the oven, I now recognize this selfishness, and understand the need to be refined by the fire, by the Word of truth, and to repent from my unbelief. My sin of neglect, selfishness and lack of self-control. To confess and be free to fully, truly believe. To believe in a way that soars above my knowledge to the heavens and changes my behavior, and act in a faithful manner. To Believe. To be Faithful. To behave faithfully believing He loves me and forgives me.

A Valley full of Promise(Poem)

Looking from this mountaintop Your glory on display, feeling the warmth from the sun rays. Seeing a sea of trees reach branches to the sky like a thousand arms in worship. Shadows falling from the clouds as they pass over this forrest of believers. Some have fallen, gray and broken, no longer rooted to the ground. With no way to receive the life giving water they need. As the sky darkens and the rain begins to fall like tears from a weeping widow, the ground becomes soaked, slowly turning the hard soil to mud. Puddles forming, then as the torrents continue, a small creek is transformed into a raging river of muck, pine needles and dead trees that rush down the mountain to the valley below. Soon the firm stance begins to slide, unnoticeable at first, then slipping, falling and being swept away to the bottom. Then coming to a rest against a rock. Standing up, covered completely from the trip down, with the remnants of this swift journey clinging to once clean clothes. A reminder of what was. Feeling battered and beat down by the fall, looking up, glimpsing a break in the clouds. The rain continues to fall on a dirty tear stained face. Wiping away a leaf, and peering through the trees, hope gleams. The sun breaks through the storm, spreading open the clouds as they struggle to hang on and pour down the last remaining raindrops. But there it is, the promise that can be seen even in this valley. A brilliant rainbow, full of color and wonder, like a finely skilled artists brush stroke, reminding of that love, that hope, that joy and peace. And even though no longer at the top of the mountain, this promise of forgiveness especially welcome while wading through the muck of this life that was drug to the valley. And looking around the forrest floor, the sun reveals the saplings, new, green and firmly rooted. Ready to grow and fill in the voids and join with the giants in praise and worship to His glory once again!

Spontaneous Celebration

Kids playing in the front yard, wind blowing your grace like a field of love over us
Falling to the ground spinning around like a helicopter seed dispersed to fertilize
Let it grow, Let it flow, Let it be everything You made it to be
Laughing and singing carefree oblivious of the storm about to come
Sword fighting with branches, unaware of the pain that might be caused
As a tornado of mercy, thunder in the sky, Lightening flashes your judgement
For all to see. Inevitable, Unstoppable, Unflappable, All encompassing righteousness
To reject, to accept, to regret and be cold, to relate and to know.
From the first the Father, with the Son, and sent the Helper and then return
Rise Up! Rejoice and Sing! Believe! Everything He is we’ll see
It’s glory to run to you like a child, with a smile waiting to be with the one who made you
Oh Jesus, God, King from above! Holy Spirit who shares his spiritual wisdom
A perfect love that can not be stopped, not even death could conquer
A delightful recognition, dancing under your stars after the rain has ceased
With a rainbow that arcs the sky reminds us of your promise and you are pleased
to save us, and rescue us from all we have destroyed
no matter if we put things before and are annoyed
please accept this spontaneous celebration of who you are and what you give
freely allowing us to choose the way we love and how we live
All praise, honor and glory to the king
with humble souls, our worship we do bring
We lift, we raise, hallelujah! We praise!
So glorious! So Worthy, Our heart cries out
So good to us! So Holy, Our soul does shout!
Halleluuuuujah!
We’re not worthy of yooooouu!
Hooooollllly
Thankful of your Mererrrrcy!
And like the clouds that part and let the sun rays shine through
You left a clear path, to follow your Son, Jesus, straight to You

So Amazed

How I got mixed up in your love,
twisted together, from the soul up to the heart.
Carrying me when I no longer could move.
It all began in spite of my rebellion,
covering and protecting,
watching and waiting
seeping slowly, from out of nowhere,
even when I didn't know I needed you.

Though saying I wasn't ready,
you came like a slowly moving fog
enveloping me in the mist of your love
forever pursuing, with my eyes still shut.

Through the crashes and the pain
bitterness and the blame.
Taking them away, like a river does the rain,
flowing to the ocean of your forgiveness.

Through all this hesitation, a foundation was being born
to withstand the coming storms of this life and where I fall short.

To think you care so much, of one so flawed
pouring freely your grace, feeling completely awed.

Ceasing the finger pointing, realizing three were at me.

Peeling the crust away from these eyes,
seeing the evidence, and the prize,
all around

in the form of a stranger, or the tune from a song
in the taste of an apple, and one empty heart won
seeing the beauty of this place,
this earth so wonderful
the laugh and smile on a face
a perfect sunset, and a moon thats full

You were always there.

Shedding my chameleon existence,
You revealed the truth to me
As soon as I took off the mask
and exposing myself to thee
what this world could not make last
I was filled wholly and set free

so amazed by Your Love

Movement

I have been on the cusp of some things, but can’t seam to break through. Been waiting... with nothing... nothing to show... so I write and hope to alleviate the impasse. This process is really an exercise... which is true... to get to sweating, the blood pumping and the mind working. Keying thoughts into existence and see if they stick or are worth remembering. You can’t do this if you just wait... the only thing that will happen is white if you don’t write... How deep do you have to be... genius won’t happen every time. Don’t expect it... don’t require it... just let it... it can only surface with action... and nothing else is to be expected... Sometimes you have to wait... and good things do come to those who wait... but you can wait to long and it passes you by, never to be remembered... Formulation is a good thing but execution of that creation must happen in order for observation and amelioration to occur... don’t let it sleep away or be sucked away from your conscious because you are too scared, hesitant or unsure. Don’t let the possibility to really contribute or add something be ignored because of the glare from a moving screen or the blare from the daily grind... stop waiting... give yourself the opportunity to fail, to feel rejection, miss the mark and be made better for it... to recover, to restyle and be re-crafted... learning because of this and not getting dredged down into the swamp of self defeat... If you aren’t doing anything then you won’t fail... If you aren’t failing you aren’t learning... If you are learning you might fail... but the opportunity to produce and contribute something, and not only help yourself but maybe help another, should embolden and shield your ego and pride which can get in the way... Though time can bring wisdom and wisdom is a good thing... if you waste your time then you can waste your opportunity to gain wisdom... and with that wisdom time becomes a nonissue. This trail that you go down might have been traveled before or you might be cutting it anew... The new path might lead to new outcomes or end at the old path... converging down the old pathway allows you to follow the way of those before, gaining from their knowledge and their choices to make your own conclusions or additions... is either way the better way to follow... if you don’t choose you are sure to get lost and the inspiration will die at the cross roads... Sometimes the choice is what makes the genius... without that choice you can not enact the ability to find your own way... to set new footprints... leaving markers and clues to be built upon by others.. or to follow in the hopes of keeping up or leaping ahead... Don’t let yourself become a cracked statue relegated to your former glory... be the potter... be a trailblazer.