Kids

Sometimes I am thankful that I do not yet have kids, while at the same time I would love to have the opportunity to raise a little boy or girl. But each week the reality of kids sets in. I have been blessed with the position of lead teacher for the 3rd grade Sunday school class at the church I attend. Most classes consist of a little chaos in the beginning, the middle and the end. Any weekend we can expect anywhere from 20-35 kids. The most "adults" we have are 7, but usually there are 4-5 adults. I use the term adults loosely, because I have to admit that sometimes I am the one egging on the kids. I can't help it I just love playing. Never grew out of it.

Each week is like a dose of energy and newness. At this age, children are still eager to listen, learn and have some respect for adults with just the start of utter rebellion and disgust. But kids are kids and it is in my humble opinion that anyone who wants to win a war should send a group of parentless kids over to the other side. Sometimes you have to be an activity genius to get a kid to sit still. And most times that won't last for more than a minute. This is NOT only boys, girls are just as guilty as boys. I will admit that the girls pay attention and are a lot more obedient, hands down.

As much chaos that goes on from week to week, I would not give it up unless asked. The absolute joy I feel whenever I have one of the kids say, "I want to sit at your table" or "Can I come over to your house?" is unmatched. Or just the total love and warmth I feel when I see them out of class and they make it a point to come up and say hi. It's just awesome. And these aren't even my kids. I can not even begin to understand how a parent must feel. Children are an immense blessing that I pray one day to be able to say this is my son or this is my daughter.

I know whenever I say I want kids I will almost always have one dad say, I have one or two I can loan you to change your mind. But no it won't change, not unless God leads me to feel I am not supposed to be a Father. I know most of them are joking and it is funny. But I will take all the fighting, disobedience, dirty diapers, crying, bumps, bruises, breaks and even the anger and hatred of teens. It is in my heart, my soul and my entire being to be a dad. I can only pray that we will be blessed with children(I wouldn't mind 4 or 5) or with the peace that I may never have kids of my own. So until that changes I will continue to go every Sunday I can. I will continue to help nurture, teach, grow and love and that is not only the children I am talking about, because I get as much or more from them. I love to be around God's little blessings.

With God Expect the Unexpected

I just got off the phone with Kettering University. I am going to finish my Thesis and get my degree. That I have decided, and Kettering is allowing me to, nearly seven years since I last stepped foot on the campus. I have been praying for God to show me where to go and what to do since my income has ceased at my current position in life. I have been open to anything, any job and schooling. I have told God that I would do what ever he wants. The only answer I have gotten has been to return to school and finish what I started.

My only option right now is to do a School Thesis through Kettering, in a sense I will be working for Kettering. I will have to go to Flint, MI at least once. This is a place I thought I would never go back to. But I am willing to do whatever it takes. And God is testing to see how far I will go. I have to laugh because the Thesis project they have come up with involves one of the subjects and areas I hated the most when I was going to GMI. And that is computer programming/database management. That's how God works. To see how far you will go for him, and I am willing. This was my least successful area of study, but I am ready for it(I think) I am totally convinced getting my degree finished is the way I am supposed to go, and I am going to do it.

So be careful when you ask God to be apart of your life, because He may take you where you least expect it or want it to go. His way is not the easy way. As Jesus said in Matthew 8:34 "And when he had called the people [unto him] with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."

One of the misconceptions I believe Christianity falsely portrays is that once you believe and accept Christ, life becomes easier. I have found through personal experience and through others, this is not the case. That it can and does at times becomes harder. Why? These are just some of the reasons I have come up with, and I know there are more. First, once we accept Christ we gain enemies, mainly, the Accuser, Satan. His desire to discredit, wrong, hurt and destroy our faith becomes his main focus. If you don't believe me, then why was life easier when you didn't believe? Now don't get me wrong, Satan is not the cause of all of our problems, but he does have an effect.

Another enemy we get are other people, non-believers and believers alike. Yes to an extent, even believers. Because we all know how well all the different denominations get along and agree on everything. And just look at the many ways we have persecuted others through out history. But mostly, one of our "enemies" are the non-believers. I am not saying we consider them an enemy, but we immediately become theirs. Just look to Hollywood, news and TV, not to mention how some people react when you just say Jesus at work. God is not totally taboo, but mention Christ and yikes!

So Satan and others can make life harder for us, but I propose that isn't who makes life the hardest for us when we become Christians. I say it is ourselves. Each one of us when we accept Christ as our Lord and Savior makes a decision to follow Him. We choose to deny ourselves, our flesh, our old life and immediately adopt a new life and a new set of morals and codes. What we had no problem with before we no longer want, or at least we feel we shouldn't. But it takes time and we all still sin and fall short of the glory of God. We always will during this life.

When we become Christians, we raise the bar for ourselves. We set higher expectations for ourselves. And we feel the eyes of others. That means we put new pressures on ourselves we no longer had before. We strive to meet and/or exceed them. We want perfection, we want the life we were meant to lead. And so we make life harder for ourselves when we should be listening to Jesus as he says in Matthew 11:28 "Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. "

When you start to feel life get hard, when you start struggling with your beliefs, and your faith. And, believe me you will labour and be heavy laden, as it is written. You can go ahead and talk to another believer to voice your concerns that is a good thing to do. But, I feel you must do as Christ says and take it to him, first and he will hear you and give you the rest you so need and desire.

If we let him. If we stop listening to others. If we stop going to books and sermons. If we will just STOP, BE QUIET and LISTEN for him. And not just once for five minutes. But ceaselessly at all times and for all occasions. Have you got something that is really bugging you right now. Then turn off the TV, the radio, your cell phone and yes even this computer and give God an hour a day of your time. As long as it takes to hear him. Listen to your heart, He is there.

Pray to him honestly and openly. And always expect to hear from him. But don't put him in a box and only listen for what You want to hear. Expect the unexpected. I did and I am now facing one of my biggest obstacles. But I feel confident I will succeed, because I have involved God in the process. And I have every intention of keeping him involved.

Coming Alive!

Why is it the thing I love to do the most, get the most enjoyment out of, and the most positive feedback is the one I don't get paid for. And I am not complaining, I just find it interesting. Because I would do this full time for free if I didn't have to worry about providing for my family. I love the small groups, the Sunday school and especially the one on one talks. This is where I have the most passion. The kids, the men, the interaction. Being there for someone when they are in need, or just need to talk. To go deeper, below the how are ya's and the weathers great and how bout them Colts! To talk about the things that matter and to find out what really gets them going. Or to just share a struggle or situation I am facing or have faced which may help them. I love it. I come alive. And yes I am even starting to feel comfortable in front of a bunch of men who I feel would be better at facilitating than I am. I just let go and let God take over and I find I do alright. And I must be because every week someone says they appreciate the job I am doing or that I am good. Wow, to see that written down. That I am good at something, it's quite refreshing. I feel I have found my calling. I'm just waiting for it to make sense for me to do it full time.

Nestee Plunge revisited for discussion

I wrote the Take the Nestee Plunge on December 31 at 2:27 pm less than 2 hours before I found out no more salary until we sold something. And since, well the Nestee plunge has become more difficult, and these are the times I desperately need the quiet time. So I am glad I have disciplined myself and dedicated myself to these times. Even though they have been harder to do lately and I have missed a couple of days, if I did not have the habit, then I would most likely not have started it now.

One thing that's been difficult has been the heart. I have not felt the same want and desire. It seems like whenever I feel I have something whipped it whips me. I don't know if that makes sense. How bout I put it like this, whenever I speak about the good I have been doing, bad is likely to follow. Almost every time, and it is not always externally, sometimes it is the internal struggle I face. I get too lax, prideful or lazy. It's like, yeah, look at me, I've got it all under control, and whoosh goes the rug. Anyone else have similar experiences?

It's why I like Ephesians 6:10-20

10 A final word: Be strong with the Lord's mighty power. 11 Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. 12 For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.
13 Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared.* 16 In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan.* 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere.

I can't pray this enough, because even though we may act like we are alone there are things going on we aren't aware of. So I must be prepared at all times, now it doesn't say take your sword and go fight, but to defend yourself. You don't have to fight a fight that was already won for you. But you must be ready for each day as it is now, and not tomorrow. Tomorrow has already been decided, I just have to wake up. So I can see what it has to offer and what I have to offer it.

On a rainy day

There have been so many rainy days lately that yesterday seems like today which feels like the day before. In other words, each day is beginning to feel the same. The same worries, the same thoughts, the same choices and the same uncertainty. Not including the same outcome...no change. I can't believe it has been over a week since my last posting.

I have been fighting the temptation to just quit my job, but know that it is always easier to get a job when you have a job. Or it is supposed to be. In the last week I have applied to 25+ companies, with so far no results. Well, I take that back, All State wanted to know if I wanted to start my own office and put up the capital. Sounds great, I take all the risk, they take all the profits. No brainer....for them!

Just for anyone who may be reading this and has not heard the news through the grapevine...I am in need of a job. I am in a sense working for free right now, b/c business has been so slow. Which may be partly my fault, I say jokingly. I prayed a few months ago that if this is not where I am supposed to be that business would dry up. Well in the last 3 months we have sold 2 cars.

A note on finding a job. I am open to just about anything, not in the car business, at least not yet. I'm not that desperate. This whole process has been humbling and somewhat discouraging. You hear for the 8th time in one day they aren't hiring, and you wonder ok where do I go? But alas, I keep on and find strength in the Almighty, although I don't see clearly. And let me be completely transparent, I may say these things, but do I really do them and fully believe them? I strive to and I want to, but sometimes, no I don't. I get down, I question God, I wonder and I anguish. But is that wrong? David did the same thing, even Christ sweated blood. So I feel like I am in good company. As long as I am faithful, and in his will, that's all I want.

One thing that gets me is all the posing that I find myself doing, to win the job. It's disheartening. I wonder if I must pose? But isn't that what a resume is all about. Making your experiences sound better than they really are. I mean, really, created this, started that, proficient in this, excels at excel! It's all bunk in my book. Half the stuff you have to do or say does not really show how you perform on a job. But I don't know any other way to do it. So I just put on my suit and tie and continue to sell myself, hoping God lets me get passionate about my job before I die.

Hoops and Bulls

So what do you do when you are faced with a situation where God answers your prayer and you still don't know what to do? Am I just bullhead, not ready to step out in faith, or just plain scared? I think it's a combination of all three. I am faced with a decision, kind of like a line from a song "should I stay or should I go?" Don't know? Gut tells me go. Money leads me to leave, but then it also leads me to stay because of the lack of the necessary funds for school.

But that brings me to the other question. Who in the heck had a degree in the Bible anyway? Paul, maybe? The disciples sure didn't. How do those little initials change the simple fact that I have a heart and a complete desire to serve others, men women and children in any capacity God would choose. That is where I feel alive. But I guess I must jump through the hoops or start a new church or ministry that is focused on Christ and his teachings, and on the body of Christ. That doesn't eliminate people because of a lack of credentials. Because the heart is the most crucial credential God requires and why should mine be any different? A church that accepts all, especially those who are lost, not just another fraternity of believers, but really reach out to the downtrodden, widows and orphans. Yes, the orphans, children, that's where it is at, and the Men, because we have lost our leadership in the church. I see jobs all over for Youth director's, and Women's ministry, but where is the Men's Ministry focus. Got have it. Anyway yeah, right, my own church, or I should say God's church. Nice thought, but won't happen unless God sees fit.

Kind of got off track. I am in the midst of a decision, but I have included God this time. So maybe this time I won't end up in the Car business, but then again maybe I am right where I am supposed to be. Hope not